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Do you ever feel like it’s all just too much? Or not enough? Or maybe it’s all wrong? A waste of time?
Something has you overwhelmed, but you’re not really even sure how to put your finger on what it is? Is it the cooking, cleaning, driving, working, parenting, marriage, friends, commitments, what is it? Then you make the mistake of opening up Instagram and you’re instantly assaulted with every perfect mother, running her perfect bajillion dollar business from home, while her perfect children, wearing their perfect name-brand clothing, in their perfect home, eat a perfectly cooked meal and you basically feel like you’ve failed in every way there is.
Ok, I know you’re not quite that emotionally immature, but it’s definitely a temptation, right?
We know that it’s totally not fair to compare ourselves, we do. We know that no one else has our life, our family, our home, our finances, our circumstances, our funny accent, or our crooked toes, and yet! Yet! Yet we all get caught up in this deadly cycle of thinking that we should be able to do what she does, have what he has, live like them, be like that.
We all get frustrated when our online biz isn’t booming, our kids don’t have matching outfits, our boss is treating us like garbage, and there isn’t a single corner of our home that looks like it could be a corner in Joanna Gaines’ house. #amiright . Not to mention the laundry pile is taller than most of the children, we are told we should be posting 3-4 times a day on social media, the kids want to go to the park, that thing we had to get done for work still hasn’t even been started, our dog won’t let us take cute pictures to post, and it looks like it’s going to be smoothies and popcorn for dinner and a late night of playing catch-up.
Those are not all situations from my life, just in case you were starting to feel really bad for me.
My dog is VERY photogenic.
Ok, but really, the point I’m trying to make is that sometimes we are busy, too busy, and we have no idea how to do it all, and yet there is this booming voice within that tells us we “oughta” be able to do it all! We are strong, we are able, we can totally bossup, hustle, get on our grind and handle our stuff……until we can’t.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. You mean we can’t actually do it all? I am sorry to burst this bubble for you, but you cannot, nor should you do it all. What many of us don’t know about our incredibly successful friends is that they don’t do it all. Not every woman on instagram cooks, cleans, homeschools, runs a business, landscapes, refurbishes furniture, makes her own wall art, designs her own home, raises chickens, sheep and llamas, while also publishing her own monthly magazine, blogs, and books.
I know I’m having too much fun with lists and imaginary lives today. I seriously just wish I could live 10 lives sometimes because I have 10 different ideas for how I would do it, and then I have to somehow determine what is important enough from each of my 10 dream lives to incorporate into my 1 real life. This is where we all have to start. We may not get 10 different lives, but do have many, many different seasons throughout our 1 full and beautiful life. When we try to live every life all at once, we end up running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, never fully present, never really aware, or enjoying what is happening right now.
So what is your season? This is the first thing we have to ask, and of course, we aren’t just asking the air, this is a question for the Holy Spirit who leads, guides, and teaches us God’s word and God’s will. The key to receiving the answer to this question is being humble. When we ask the Holy Spirit to reveal our season to us, we have to be willing to surrender our desires and wishes for the season.
As badly as I want to publish a book, I have had to recognize that it does not belong in the same season as raising and homeschooling my 5 children, aged 1-9. It might be doable in another few years when I don’t have 2 toddlers that need my constant attention. It’s a desire that I have surrendered to the Lord. I trust that as I lay down the desires of my heart before Him, He is molding them into something beautiful so that He can return them to me in their right season, complete and ready.
So lay them down, all of them. Don’t hesitate. The Lord God, who created you, and every gift within you, knows the desires of your heart, and His desire is to bring them to perfection for His glory. He will not abandon the work of His hands. Trust Him to hold on to your precious dreams. Sometimes when you give them back to Him he changes them a bit, but don’t panic! His ideas are far above and beyond what you can even imagine, so by the time he gives them back, in their correct season, they always look better, are more fulfilling, more purposeful, and more true to who you have been created to be.
I think the frustration and anxiety that many of us live under, is self-inflicted because we are trying to live out the desires and dreams that don’t belong in the season that we are in. It’s nothing more than a lack of grace. Grace is God’s empowerment. If He has asked us to do something, He has also given us the grace to do it. Far too many of us say yes to far too many things, or we expect far too much of ourselves, and the grace runs out because it’s not what the Lord has asked us to do in the first place.
2 My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! 3 For you know that when your faith is tested[c] it stirs up in you the power of endurance. 4 And then as your endurance grows even stronger, it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.
5 And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and he will give it! He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures but he will overwhelm your failures with his generous grace.[d] 6 Just make sure you ask empowered by confident faith without doubting that you will receive. For the ambivalent person believes one minute and doubts the next. Being undecided makes you become like the rough seas driven and tossed by the wind. You’re up one minute and tossed down the next. 7–8 When you are half-hearted and wavering it leaves you unstable.[e] Can you really expect to receive anything from the Lord when you’re in that condition? – James 1:2-8
God’s arms can hold a lot more than ours can. He wants to carry the weight of our big dreams so that we can focus on what needs to be done each and every day within ourselves. He gave us those big dreams to begin with, and he never asked us to hold them all while trying to fulfill them all at the same time. He wants to hold your future in his hands, so you don’t have to, so he can heal your heart, stretch your imagination, develop your integrity, and grow your capacity with a little stretch everyday.
13 We all experience[a] times of testing,[b] which is normal for every human being. But God will be faithful to you. He will screen and filter the severity, nature, and timing of every test or trial you face[c] so that you can bear it. And each test is an opportunity to trust him more, for along with every trial God has provided for you a way of escape[d] that will bring you out of it victoriously. – 1 Corinthians 10:13 (TPT)
It’s not true that God never allows more than we can handle. It is true that God never allows more than we can handle WITH his grace. I love how the Passion Translation lays out 1 Corinthians 10:13 that he will “screen and filter the severity, nature, and timing of every test or trial you face”. God knows what you can handle right now, and he also knows what will stretch your capacity and give you an opportunity to trust in him a little more than you did before.
Like me, you might be trying to live 10 lives in 1 season, and you’re empty, frustrated, and unproductive.
As a mom, I am still learning this lesson. I have learned that I did’t need to be the top of the online business game in the same season that I was birthing and raising my 5 children. It was ok for me to learn about online business, and to share what I loved, but it was not my season to be building an empire. I am also learning that while I have to write, because it’s a part of me, and keeps me healthy, it is not my season to publish all the books within me.
Right now, my season is teaching my children the word of God, the truth that they are loved and valuable, changing diapers, reading a book to a toddler, being a good steward of my home, homeschooling while also enjoying my children, and giving them my full love and attention while they are under my roof.
What’s your season right now?
You might be working full-time, while trying to build a side hustle.
You might be caring for a loved one while also feeling the pressure to start a family of your own.
Whatever season of life you find yourself in, if you’re feeling the pressure to do more or do it all, it’s time to start asking yourself what is actually yours to do in this season? What causes you frustration, anxiety, or a heaviness you can’t shake? Ask the Lord about that area, that relationship, that idea, because the chances are good that it’s not right for right now.
Don’t get me wrong, there are seasons of rest and relaxation, and there are seasons to buckle-down, work over-time, and hustle your buns. It would be so easy to just say that God has not graced me to clean the toilets or do the laundry because both cause me to grumble inwardly. As much as I wish that was true, I know they are well within the the boundaries of my season, and those things are developing my character. The things we don’t enjoy teach us to serve selflessly and diligently. When we are faithful with little it shows the Lord that we can be trusted with more. When my home is uncluttered and clean, I feel content. When I allow myself to get distracted by all the things I want to do, but am not supposed to be doing right now, and don’t get the laundry done or toilets washed, I feel anxious and frustrated.
Now, does that mean that everyday my house has to be spotless and my children perfectly cared for in every way in order for me to have contentment? Not at all, this is where things get exciting. Learning your season requires being led by the Holy Spirit every single day. Today might be the day to clean my house so the entire family feels refreshed, inspired, and ready to take on the week. Or today might be the day to leave the dishes alone and sit down on the couch with the child who really needs a heart-to-heart or some wisdom on a situation they are facing. Today might be the day to run around doing all the errands, to get all the laundry done, or to read and write and refresh myself.
The Holy Spirit within me is ready to show me what it is today that will move me in the right direction for tomorrow, but it’s up to me to take the time to surrender my will, and listen carefully for the Lord’s leading. The same spirit that led Jesus during his life on this earth is waiting for an invitation to fill you up, speak truth to you, and lead you, everyday, into greater and greater peace and joy.
I remember a time, shortly after my third baby was born, when I was trying to keep a house, take care of a newborn, write a book, and build a business from home. I say “trying” because I wasn’t doing a very good job at any of those things, and I was frustrated all-the-time!
I would try to wake up early to write, but I had been up with a newborn throughout the night, so my writer’s brain was mush. Then I would try to be a good mommy throughout the morning, but my phone was blowing up with members of my team with questions. My kids would try talking to me, but I was also texting, and also trying to pull up someone’s account on my laptop so I could help them. Then at naptime I would finally sit down to try to get some work done, and the baby would decide she didn’t want to sleep, or be put down, or my toddler would come out of his room because he needed to pee, was dying of thirst, or thought he had slept long enough after 10 minutes.
One day, at my wit’s (and my nerves) end, I cried out to the Lord, “What am I even supposed to be doing right now?”. I realized that I was trying to do all the things that I wanted to do, and it wasn’t working, so I needed to know what actually mattered to him. The answer came so soft, and so clear, “Do what I have put in your hands to do right now.”
What was in my hands? Children that needed a good mom to take care of them. A husband who needed a spiritually, and emotionally sound wife to support, encourage, and stand beside him. A home, that was a financial miracle and a blessing, that I desired to be a good steward of.
What was NOT in my hands? The books that had yet to be written. The sales that had yet to be made. The teams that had yet to be grown. All of these things were dreams and desires within my heart, but they were not for that season. So I layed them down at the altar, and guess what happened. My parenting changed overnight. My marriage changed overnight. All because I was not constantly clinging to all the things I couldn’t hold on to but refused to let go of.
The other cool thing that I want you to know is that my business didn’t fall to pieces. My book is still being written, 5 years later, but it gets better with each passing year, and when it’s time to be published the Lord will have perfected it, I know that. My business continues to grow, and shrink, and grow again, all the while teaching and growing my character and my capacity. I’m ok with my pace, because my external success matches my internal growth.
I also began to learn from other wise business-women, authors, and mothers. I learned that some mom’s hire out their laundry so they can homeschool. I learned that some business-women hire out their cooking so their cooking time can be working time. Some amazing women even have a personal assistant to run their errands for them so they don’t have to give up working/parenting/homeschooling/writing time to grocery shop, or get an oil change. I learned that to be a writer doesn’t mean I have to write 8-hours a day, locked in my office for months at a time. It can be as simple as 20 minutes a day over time. I learned that we all have different callings, giftings, and capacities.
The Lord has not asked you to do everything he has put in your heart right now. He has given you the desires of your heart and he would really like to be invited into your everyday to show you exactly where each one fits, and at what capacity. He wants to develop in you what it’s going to take to be successful in every given area at the right time. He wants to fill you up with his grace, his mercy, and his love, so that you don’t stay stuck on the cycle of striving and failure.
Invite him in. Lay down the dreams in your heart before him. What has he put back in your hands for today?
That’s it, that’s all, it’s short and sweet today. You and I are not meant to do it all, you are meant to walk in obedience. When we are in obedience, doing what’s in our hands to do right now, we will walk in peace, and blessing.
What season are you in right now?
What dreams and desires do you need to surrender to the Lord so he can improve upon them until it’s the right season to give them back?
The next time the anxiety tries to creep in, or the pressure to do more, or do better pops up, just ask yourself, “What is in my hands to do right now? What do I need to let go of because it doesn’t belong in this season?”
You are loved my friend, and I am here to listen or pray with you on this journey. Comment with your answers here, or find me on Instagram or Facebook. I look forward to hearing what the Lord is revealing to you in this season.
Be Blessed
Courtney
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