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Oh guys, I am so tired, I know you are too. But I’m also finally finding peace. I may not have the answer for everyone, but I’ll share anyway, because for some of you I know this is what you need to hear today.
This is a season of such extremes. The highest highs and lowest lows. Moms who can’t walk their kindergarteners into school on their first day EVER. Stores we can’t enter without covering our faces. Fear has completely overthrown our livelihood. How do we even survive, let alone have peace in such times?
Trust me, joy may seem totally out of reach and slightly out of season, but the timing is right and the survival strategy is simple. And no, it’s not to grow your own food and homeschool your kids. Although, both are wonderful (I don’t get out much). Are you ready for it?
Just a minute.
On Sunday, August 30, amidst a celebration with friends my two-year-old daughter, Nelly, broke her Tibia (it’s the shin bone, which I totally knew before googling it for you).
The sound of my baby’s cries were a sharp contrast to the laughter that filled the day, and it left my emotions confused.
She was ok. But she wasn’t. It was a good day. But it wasn’t.
She isn’t the type to cry for no reason. She definitely makes her voice heard when she’s unhappy, but tears are rare with Nelly. When I heard her breathless screams between sobs I knew something was very, very wrong.
I kept it together because I had four other kids to take care of as well. Three of them were watching me for signals, trying to gauge their baby sister’s situation. All that kept going through my mind was, “resist the fear, resist the fear.”
We are so conditioned to be afraid aren’t we? Not just now, but always. Is it just me or do any other parents feel like they have to have a relatively fearful response to their child’s “injuries” so that nobody thinks you don’t care? Like if you don’t overreact enough other parents will call social services on you? No? Just me? Cool.
Seriously though, as I was looking at my daughter’s bright red leg and swollen ankle I wanted to give the situation the attention it needed. However, I knew that fear would not fix this, but it could make it a whole lot worse. So I pushed back and pushed back against the fear that was trying to find root in my thoughts.
Oh man it’s hard not to let your emotions take over sometimes. It would have been so much easier to start crying right there and say what I feared, “it’s broken!”. My baby’s leg, snapped, like a twig. My heart was freaking out inside me. How could I let this happen to her?
We decided Jordan would take Nelly to the emergency room and I would take the other kids home. Another hard decision. How could I send my baby girl off to the hospital without me? Shout out to my hubby who is an amazing daddy because Nelly was totally fine without me there, but my heart ached to hold her every step of the way. Like that would fix it somehow.
The ride home was full of questions and concerns, and I realized I didn’t have any of the answers. I know you’re just as surprised as I was. How could I not know exactly what to tell my children at a time like this? Shouldn’t it be instinctual to have all the right answers?
That’s when the Holy Spirit began to gently nudge from within. Like a quiet knock on the door he reminded me that I did have the answers (phew, all is right again in the world). He reminded me that He had been teaching them to me for a while now, since the day my son Judah was born (check out that story here).
I felt my soul rise up within me because I knew He had prepared me for this. Since the end of April I have been specifically reading scriptures on healing, protection, peace and God’s blessing daily, and it was God’s words that provided answers when I didn’t have any.
So I reminded my kids of the verses we have been reading. I reminded them what the Holy Spirit was reminding me, that our God never leaves us nor forsakes us, that by Jesus stripes we were healed, and that the Lord commands angels concerning us.
Jord called. It was broken. That’s bad. It was a clean break. That’s good.
Again, I was tempted to go to the sad, angry, frustrated and confused side of my emotions, and reach into my own understanding for a “why”. My poor baby, right?
Proverbs 3:5-6 reminded me,
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight
I didn’t know why this happened to Nelly.
What I did know was that,
God is our Refuge and Strength, a very present and well-proved help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)
That God was still my strength and my song, and he would be my salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)
I knew that God was still for me and still for my Nelly.(Psalm 56:9)
And I knew that Jesus bore all things on the cross and by his wounds we have been healed. (Isaiah 53:5)
2020 looks so very, very different than we could have imagined. School is not what we expected, grocery shopping is not what we are used to, church, life, socializing, playgrounds, and restaurants, nothing is the way we would prefer it to be. But fear can’t fix this. It can, however, make it much, much worse.
We may not know the “why”, or how to fix it, but there is power in speaking God’s word over our circumstances.
In the chaos that surrounds us these days it is so important not to dwell on the things we don’t understand, don’t know, don’t like, and don’t have any control over. Focus, instead on what you know to be true. Fear is toxic. Don’t believe the fear. Godly wisdom is protection (Proverbs 4:6, 22). Heed wisdom. God’s love is healing. Live in Love’s presence.
Ok, so now I will tell you my survival strategy. No more waiting, here it is,
“Do not be afraid, only believe.”
Mark 5:36 is one of my favourite scriptures. It lays out the entirety of our walk with Jesus in a few beautiful words. It doesn’t matter what we face, friend, if we will resist the fear and choose to trust in Love Himself there is no sickness that can’t be healed, no debt that can’t be paid, nothing broken that can’t be restored, nothing lost that can’t be redeemed.
Never forget that we live by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). That means we trust God above and over all, and what He says IS.
If you have questions for God He can handle them, but release them into His all-encompassing hands as you ask them and trust that He will reveal to you what you need to know in the right time.
There are many things in my life that I look back on with a gratitude for God’s revelation in His timing. If I had known the answers I wanted when I wanted them I would have derailed my own journey on the path He called me to walk.
It’s a part of walking in an intimate relationship. There are times when my husband says to me, “just trust me.” And I know that is the time to stop asking questions and let him lead, but I couldn’t do that if I didn’t trust him completely. God says the same thing to us, “Don’t be afraid, only believe.” Do you trust Him? Will you let Him lead?
I love how David prays in the Psalms,
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm, impenetrable] Rock and my Redeemer. – Psalm 19:14 AMPC
If our focus is on the things we can’t control and don’t understand it will be impossible to resist fear.
When our focus is on the unchanging, uncompromising, unfailing word of the Creator of the universe, fear cannot stand.
When we know HIS words better than we know any others, we will walk in the victory they carry. When we know HIS voice better than any others we won’t be led astray by unfamiliar voices. We can walk through fire and not be burned, through the valley of the shadow of death and come out unharmed.
Resist the fear, my friend, only believe.
Xo
P.S. If some or a lot of what you’ve read is new to you, or you’re not sure what to make of it, head over to my Books & Resources for some of the teaching resources that have taught me on my journey to live by faith.
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